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Monday, June 10, 2013

When life makes you pause.

It's hard to focus on the things you are suppose to do when life takes a giant dump on your head but this post is about how to keep going even when all you want to do is hide. I've been fortunate enough to grow up fast and have the skills now to see things for exactly what they are but with that gift comes a price. I've been called a "cyborg" for not being able to show emotion or being cool under extremely difficult situations but through these last few months I've learned that no matter the situation in your life, using those catalysts as stepping stones to your personal growth and enlightenment is real.
I have a hard time opening up with even the closest people in my life. But I've decided that the only way to heal is so share.
My mother is dying of stage four breast cancer. She's been in battle for almost 5 years when they only gave her 3 months. Unfortunately, cancer is ugly and rarely let's you win. My sister and I are solely taking care of our mom and there's nothing worse than watching the woman who raised you, took care of you and you looked up to, suffer from this horrible disease. You are in between feeling like you don't want to lose your mom to not wanting her to suffer anymore. We don't have any other support since our father went MIA when our mom was diagnosed after 32 years of marriage. The disappointment I've experienced cant be expressed in any amount of words. Now, living as a single mother, moving my mother in with me I find myself struggling everyday to focus on my own life.
Now I'm writing freelance for several companies/magazines but the motivator is hard to find these days which is why I think people who follow this blog or even my life deserve to know.
Recently, I found out that still having "your life" is vital in keeping sane. I still dress up, I still take care of myself and I let myself go out once a week with my friends. This post isn't for pity, in fact I hate pity because in no shape of form am I a victim but this post is to let people know when you are in pain, you are not alone. This is also a reminder that no matter how great a persons life looks on the outside remember that we all struggle and go through extreme pain as well. Because of going through all this I have found what I'm really made of, I can fucking do anything and I'm no longer afraid of the unknown, the future. My dreams are no longer just dreams. I know now you have to take steps to obtain the prize and the biggest lesson I've learned throughout these tribulations is that all your pain should never go in vain. It's there to give you the power to keep going. I hate being cliche but, whatever doesn't kill you truly makes you stronger but for that strength to appear you have to look at things as not a curse but to realize the harder your journey the more you appreciate the amazing moments and love you receive from others. I have regained faith in humanity after the support of my friends and instead of hating life I now look forward to happiness and love.

So, I thank you all for reading.

Stay strong and I promise things will always get better. Even if its takes a while to get there.